


Just One Night

by aesthetic_trashcan



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: I wrote this v late, Jamilton - Freeform, M/M, Sad, but Yeah please enjoy, but happy, happiness in the end, i can’t tag so, much cuddle, no sleep, so fluff, some of it is just internal dialogue, starts with angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 01:18:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14249940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aesthetic_trashcan/pseuds/aesthetic_trashcan
Summary: I can’t summarize so take another exerpt“It’s been two years since the love of his life died. Two years since he lost everything. He was alone and he knew it.”“This could end him. But he didn’t care. Alex could leave him at any moment seeing this as just a one night thing but for now he was perfectly content to hold him and enjoy the moment.”





	Just One Night

**Author's Note:**

> So uh thanks for reading this? Enjoy :)

It’s been two years since the love of his life died. Two years since he lost everything. He was alone and he knew it. When he received the news he locked himself in his room and screamed. He screamed until he lost his voice and even once his voice had gone he kept screaming reduced to pained whimpers. The tears never stopped coming. Alexander could physically feel the pain of Johns death. It felt like someone had ripped his heart out of his chest and all that was left was a dark hole where it used to be. 

He didn’t want to believe it. He hasn’t at first. John had killed himself. He wasn’t there for him. It wasn’t good enough. Never good enough. He’d left him a note. It’d gone untouched for the first few months but when he finally got up the courage to read it he was sent into another fit of hysterics. 

My dearest Alexander,  
Cold in my professions, warm in my friendships, it is with a heavy heart that I write you this note. If you're reading this it means that I am dead. You are the love of my life and you’ll always mean the world to me. We’ve been together since we were children and to leave you now deeply pains me.  
He’d never understood why he wrote that line. If it pained him to leave why did he do it.  
I’ve never deserved you. You and your fiery passion. Your loud voice and your louder opinions. When you step onto the floor everyone’s eyes gravitate to you because they don’t have a choice, you’re so captivating. I don’t deserve you and I don’t deserve to live. My Alexander please do not blame yourself. I’ve felt this way for a long time and it’s only now I realize that I’m correct. I’m so sorry Alex. So so sorry. I love you. I can’t wait to see you again my love. It’s only a matter of time.  
Forever yours,  
John Laurens

He’d also never understood why he referred to him as Alexander until the last line. He only called him Alexander when he was upset. 

From that moment on he was numb to everything. He didn’t cry, he didn’t speak too loud, why should he when there’s no passion behind it. John took his life and with it his immense passions and opinions. He didn’t feel. It was all gone. He lost himself in his work, and in his words, he hoped that maybe the starvation and lack of sleep would take him, until one day there was a small but insistent knock at his door, asserting its owner without having to speak. 

Thomas Jefferson barged into his office in a tentative manner as if walking on eggshells around the now fragile Alexander. 

“I’ve had enough” he announced. “I can’t take it anymore.” 

Alex rolled his eyes although there was only slight annoyance behind it. “Had enough of what?” He asked monotonously. 

“Of you spending these last two years locked in your office. Where is the Hamilton I knew. The one who stood up for what he believed in. The one who has a fire behind his eyes and always makes sure his opinions are heard?” He demanded 

Alex gave him a short shrug “Ask John Laurens” he said in a flat tone 

Jefferson shook his head “No you’re coming with me, we’re getting drinks” he said leaving no room for argument. 

Alex sighed and looked at his work. And then back to Jefferson “One drink” he said and shut his laptop standing and stretched to which Jefferson nodded “One drink” he agreed  
\--------------  
“Tell me about yourself, something you wouldn’t normally tell anyone.” he said  
“Well what do you want to know?”  
“Something personal, like deeply personal to you. I'm talking sex life, religious beliefs, regrets…” Hamilton paused for effect. One corner of his mouth turned up, and his eyes shone almost giddily in the weird half light. “Even pet deaths.”  
And so for the rest of the night they sunk into witty banter, and half drunken jokes. Politics nowhere in sight, although their conversation was another version of political argumentation, really, just with lower stakes. “Sex life, nonexistent,” Jefferson quipped. “Same goes for religious beliefs and regrets, as I believe nothing and do nothing wrong. Pet deaths, on the other hand…”  
Thomas then proceeded to makeup a longwinded story about a dog he found in the woods when he was younger. He cared for it and nursed it back to health, and named it, all the normal things you’d do with a pet until one day when he was playing outside with him, he jumped into the middle of the street being hit by a car and killed instantly. He then made jokes about it having Alex in a fit of laughing hysterics.  
Thomas watched him eyes sparkling, he wasn’t all that bad when they weren’t arguing about something. And besides it was nice to see Alexander with the light back in his eyes even if it was only for a short time. 

 

And for the rest of the night Alex and Thomas sunk into comfortable conversation making jokes and talking about anything and everything, It was only when they walked out of the bar seeing the first signs of daylight that they paid any attention to their surroundings or rather who they were accompanied by. They knew that not only did the daylight signal the end of their previous day, but the end of their slight reprieve of the office and the time consuming debates that got them nowhere ending in only shouts and more arguments.  
Jefferson spared Hamilton a side glance admiring his profile in the dim morning light finding that when he wasn’t rambling on about debt plans, or anything political which really gave Thomas a headache, you could see he was actually quite attractive what with his shoulder length brown hair and sparkling brown eyes and almost adorable short build.  
Alexander looked up from whatever he had been focused on to meet Thomas’s eyes giving him a quizzical look his eyebrows knitting together “What?” he asked a light blush coloring his cheeks at the discovery of Thomas’s eyes on him.  
Thomas flushed a deep red and held his eyes for another moment before looking down at the ground “Nothing” He mumbled and looked around “It’s nearly morning do you need a place to stay?” He asked with to which Alexander responded with a quick nod and at the small sign of acceptance Thomas took his hand and called a cab climbing in with him.  
On the short ride home Thomas couldn’t help but keep his eyes pinned to Alexander having never seen him in this way before he found himself strangely attracted to him. Alexander had his head resting against the window snoring softly as the morning sunlight framed his features.  
Thomas shook his head not wanting to allow himself to think of Alex in that manor, so he turned and faced to look outside of the cab until they got to his apartment.  
When they arrived Thomas gently shook Alex awake. He slowly sat up and let his gaze wander along the streets absently. Yesterday had been the two year anniversary of John’s death and it was the first time in two years his thoughts hadn’t been centered on John. He felt as if he was betraying him somehow, but at the same time. He glanced over at Thomas and quirked a smile. 

“Thank you” he said suddenly and Thomas looked over raising his eyebrows “For?” He responded. Alex bit his lip, “For distracting me for awhile” he said 

Thomas nodded once “I never thought I’d see the great Alexander Hamilton thank me for something” he said laughing a little to which Alex shrugged “It seemed right for the moment. Don’t expect it to become a regular thing” he said  
Thomas nodded once, all of this casual talking only further reminded him in a few hours everything would return to normal. Normal routines, normal debates, normal arguments. He wasn’t ready. He wanted to savor what was happening now. In truth he wasn’t ready to not only let the night go but to let Alexander go.  
John was always right about Alex. He was always a force. He was like a fire burning everything in his path, it was so alluring but at the same time he knew that if he got too close he’d get burned. Alex was captivating, he drew Thomas’s attention all the time. He was so eloquent and decisive. He could spend hours thinking about ways to describe him. That was until Alex turned around  
“What’re you staring at?” he asked  
“Oh nothing just uh let’s go inside, maybe I can make some tea or something?” He suggested and led him inside the lights flickering on as Alexander took in his surroundings  
“Not what you expected?” He questioned raising an eyebrow  
“Not at all actually. I expected something more flashy” he shrugged.  
Thomas’s apartment was simple yet elegant. Bookcases strategically placed throughout the room, a hallway leading towards a few doors, and a kitchen a bit more simple than Alexander had expected.  
“Make yourself at home” he said hanging his coat up and went into the kitchen making them both tea and returned sitting down handing Alex a glass, although he was already nodding off  
The two men were quiet as they drank their tea. The silence was charged, meant to be filled with something a bit more serious but both were too lazy to try so they sat in silence.  
When the tea was gone and Thomas had returned the mugs to the kitchen and sat back down and Alex’s head settled into his shoulder  
“Hey Thomas?” He mumbled  
“What?” He hummed tentatively wrapping his arm around Alex  
“I’m glad we did this. I thought you hated me.” He yawned  
“Yes me too” he said softly, he was aware of every point at which his and Alex’s body met, of his heartbeat so close to his, of the stray hairs from his ponytail that tickled his shoulder.  
“Hey Alexander are you staying here tonight? I don’t mind if you do-“ he said and Alex just nodded a little “If you’ll have me” he mumbled  
“So you know earlier today when I was working? I was working on a-“ this was about when Thomas tuned him out opting to study his facial features, letting himself admire his thin striking features in a way he’d always tried to avoid.  
I didn’t mean for it to end up like this  
This was his only thought as Alexander continued to ramble on about a project and he turned kissing Alexander easily  
Alex had almost anticipated it and returned the kiss although he was a little more insistent, Thomas just put a hand on his shoulder slowing him down and enjoyed  
—————  
I never meant for this to happen.  
This was his train of thought for the next few hours. He’d never meant to become so attached to him, but here he was spending hours awake thinking about him. He used to be able to push the thoughts away, but now in the relative darkness of early morning he couldn’t they swirled around in his brain on an endless loop.  
He always drew him back in. He sighed and looked over at his sleeping figure in the dim morning light and smiled a little. He might regret this later but now with Alexander carefully snuggled up against his chest snoring softly finally in a relaxed state, he didn’t. He never thought he would.  
This could end him. But he didn’t care. Alex could leave him at any moment seeing this as just a one night thing but for now he was perfectly content to hold him and enjoy the moment.  
So he closed his eyes and momentarily allowed himself to drift off, enjoying whatever small moments he could get with him.

**Author's Note:**

> yasssss binch you did it congrats


End file.
